bOffensive.com General User FAQ
You got questions... we might have answers....

Q. Where's My Shit Motherfuckers?
This question also comes in the variety of, "I ordered two days ago and I haven't received my package yet... where the hell is it?" ...or sundry other derivatives. Hopefully, you can recognize this as roughly similar to your question if this is what you wish to ask.

A. Its coming. Just calm down and realize we aren't going to rip you off. We didn't spend hours on end building a website to steal $20 off you for a crummy t-shirt. The fact is, we're a small operation (less than five guys) and many of our orders are produced as they're ordered. We keep very little inventory, and we offer over 100 t-shirt designs in 3 styles and 6 sizes thus insuring we have nowhere near the capital (or storage space) to stock one of every single variety at all times.

That said, after we receive your order, we print it out, take it to the warehouse with the rest of the days orders and then organize everything to do as many tees as expeditiously as possible. If you ordered a popular tee, your item will probably ship pretty quickly as we run our most popular tees several times a week. If you ordered something more obscure, you may have a bit longer wait before we run your tee.

Once we get everything to the warehouse and organized, we run the orders. Once the order is complete, its bagged or boxed, and sent back to the office for labeling and postage. After we get through that step, one of our handy and efficient workers drives all the packages down to the Post Office, and they deliver them straight to your doorstep (or PO Box, or wherever...)

On an aside, if you sent an email and requested some special treatment for your tee, say perhaps having it printed on a green shirt for St. Patricks Day, or made on a tank top instead of our normal stock, you will have a longer wait to get your gear. We're amenable to doin' just about whatever to get you the tee you want made how ya like it, but if we have to make a special order from our distributor, go pick up the new shirt, and then get it back and ready fro printing, it will take a bit longer than usual.

For the overseas crowd, you also get stuck with some significant delays. This is due to the fact that we cannot meter the mail and send it out to you like we do for domestic packages so we have to actually go down to the post office, wait in line, fill out customs forms, and then have the item weighed, labeled, and paid for at that time. Because this is terribly inefficient for a small company and we can ill afford having our employees spending all day at the post office, we generally only send someone once every 2-3 weeks or so once we have enough international orders to justify the waste of time spent there.

So all above noted, our apologies if it takes a bit to get your stuff. If you need items for a holiday, or a birthday, or a bachlorette party, let us know when you order by dropping an email to info at boffensive dot com. We will do all we can to get your order to you in time for your event. If you are just an ungodly nervous person and cannot deal with wandering where your package might be, also feel free to email us and ask. We'll be happy to tell you if it has printed or shipped, or where it is in our line of production.

Q. What type of t-shirts do you use and how are they printed?

A. Whatever is on sale.... actually that's not true, but if we thought we could get away with it.....

Generally speaking we use Fruit of the Loom 3930/5930 Series tees for the guys and Bella 1001/6000 for the girls. For our long sleeve we use Fruit of the Loom Lofteez. If that means very little to you (which it probably does) here's a bit more info on those tees:

Guys Fruit of the Loom 3930/5930
5.6 oz. 100% preshrunk cotton, taped shoulder to shoulder, 2 needle sleeves and hem, seamless rib collar. (5930 is same as above except weight 5.4oz, and 50/50 cotton poly blend)

Girls Bella 1001
5.8 ounce 1x1 baby-rib knit, supersoft 100% combed ringspun cotton. Side-seamed with a fashionable custom contoured fit. Cap sleeves. Self-trim on cuffs and neckline.

Girls Bella 6000
Pre-Shrunk 100% combed 30 single combed ring-spun 8.3 ounce. Super soft baby jersey knit. 5/8" set in coverstitched neck. Coverstitched 3/4" bottom hem and sleeve opening. Custom contoured fit. Side-seamed.

Guys Fruit of the Loom Lofteez
100% open-end cotton, 6.1 ounce, heavyweight, preshrunk, shoulder-to-shoulder taping, long sleeves

So, those are the tees that we "generally" use for our bOffensive t-shirts, however, every now and then our distributor runs out of a size or color of one of the above and we have to swap in an alternate. In those instances, you may find your bOffensive garment printed on a comparable shirt from Hanes, Jerzees, Gildan, or Anvil. If you have some innate fear of any of these tees or need your item printed on the latest from Von Dutch, drop us a line and we'll see if we can work it out.

As to the "How are they printed part..." We silk screen everything. Nothing is heat pressed or ironed-on like some of the "cheapy" sites online. You'll also note that is a large part of the reason why your tees take so long to deliver. We don't simply print out a design from the computer and press it on a tee.... we design the artwork, cut a screen, set it all up, and actually screen print the shirt. We believe this is the best way to produce a quality t-shirt and we like to think our customers appreciate a bit higher quality "novelty" t-shirt than a simple gag gift you could make yourself with a kit from Office Depot.

Q. Do you fuckers have something against...
... choose one: God, Muslims, Hispanics, Whites, Athletes, Corporations, Blacks, etc...

A. Absolutely, we hate everyone and hope the whole of the planet wilts and dies except for us and our girlfriends.... then we could breed over and over again and create a little bOffensive colony and populate the planet with our seed....

The above was sarcasm if you didn't get it.... but likely if you're asking this question you don't do well with the nuances of language....

No, we don't hate anyone based on such overbroad definitions.... we hate lazy fuckers... and folks who refuse to think... we don't like sheep (not the animal... but people who are part of a herd... think outside the box... you can do it....) and we're not a fan of folks who love dogma and insist on sharing theirs with us.....

But back to what probably brought about this question in your little mind... our very poignant and sometimes completely politically incorrect tees.... well, there are somewhere around 150 t-shirts on the site and at most 5 or so that pick on any one thing/group/etc... so get the fuck over it.... sure we bash religion... but its because we can't stand the Jehovah's Witnesses that wake us up on our rare days off offering a complimentary copy of Watchtower.... (actually we don't hate the JWs we just hate being woken up.... apologies to those offended...) as to the other shit.... drop us a line and we'll answer you specifically.... most of the stuff is anti-religion more than anything, but feel free to start a dialogue if you want.... hell, if you think we're pure evil, write up an essay and if it is coherent and makes a valid point or two, we'll publish it on the site so folks can see what bastards we are and why they shouldn't patronize us....

Q. Who the Hell is Tech Difference?

A. Tech Difference is our parent company and it is the name you'll see appear on your credit card statement.

Q. What's Your Shipping Policy?

A. We don't really have a policy... when the shit is done, we put it in a bag or box and mail it to you...

In a nutshell, we use the US Post Office for all of our shipments. This is because UPS charges us somewhere around $7 to ship one t-shirt (our volume isn't quite high enough) and since we don't have an account with them we have to go to the little UPS Store and wait in line and fill out all their paperwork. And again, being a small company this is a huge pain in the ass. The US Mail let's us weigh and meter our packages and we just drop by once each day to the post office and drop them all in a bin and their on the way to your warm and cozy home.

That noted, if you absolutely must have something shipped to you via UPS, FedEx, DHL, or some other carrier... we'll make every attempt to do so. Please just let us know in advance and be aware that these services cost a bit more than standard shipping.

Q. Do you offer International Orders? If so, is International Shipping More?

A. bOffensive has recently eliminated International orders. After receiving several thousand dollars in fraudulent charges in the last several months, all while dealing with the hassle of filling out custom forms, waiting in line at the Post Office, and trying to configure our store to correctly calculate International Rates, we have decided it wasn't worth the trouble.

So sorry, most likely you're out of luck. However, because we're not totally isolationists, we're willing to place orders for individuals who will go through as much hassle as we have to to get the tees to your international destination. If you live in Canada, the UK, Australia or somewhere where we haven't been screwed by chargebacks and fraud (i.e. not the Middle East, Russia, or China...) you can drop us an email at info at boffensive dot com with your contact information and we'll work something out. Generally speaking, we take PayPal, Credit Cards over the phone, or Money Orders for your International Order, but drop a line and we can discuss the details. Sorry this is a pain in the ass. But fraudulent little fuckers have taken advantage of our trusting nature and left us with the bill so we're none too happy about that.

Q. Can I get a tracking number?

A. Ummm... no....

It's US Mail folks... it doesn't have a tracking number... it's coming though.... we swear... refer to question number one... we ain't out to steal $20 from you... again, if you must have a tracking number or need some alternate form of shipping, drop an email and we'll see what we can do....

Q. Can you make my shirt;
Choose one; in size 4XL, on a red t-shirt, on a tank top, with blue text?

A. Well maybe.... it really depends on a number of factors....

Generally speaking, we're happy to do "custom" orders if you're willing to wait a bit for us to get to it. In most of these circumstances we need to special order the shirts from our distributor, and then set up everything and run them along with our next custom run. If you don't mind the delay, we can usually accomodate you. If alternatively, you need the tee tomorrow, or you want it printed in glowing silver ink (which we don't have) we may not be able to help you out. Just drop an email and we'll let you know.

Q. Do you guys print a logo on your tees?

A. Yep, but it isn't a huge obnoxious thing that makes the shirt look all fucked up. On guys tees we pop the bOffensive "Barcode Logo" on the back of the tee between the shoulder blades. The logo is about 2" tall by around 3" wide. On girls tees, there is no logo.

Q. Can I order without a credit card?

A. Sure... you can fire us a payment via PayPal, or drop a check or Money Order in the mail. PayPal comes to info at boffensive dot com and the mailing address is as follows:

bOffensive
PO Box 335044
N Las Vegas, NV 89033

Make sure to include the item number, size, style, and color for each shirt you want. Also, make sure to include proper shipping for all items you want (you can determine shipping by using our shopping cart and proceeding through the checkout without actually purchasing any items.) Finally, please make all check or MO payments to Tech Difference. That is the legal company name and when we receive checks to bOffensive the bank is a pain in the ass about cashing them. If your check is made out to bOffensive we will try to deposit it, but if the bank says no, you'll have to resend a new check with the correct Pay To for us to ship your order.

Q. Can I get free shit?

A. Ummmmm.... maybe....

We are happy to give shit away if it BENEFITS US... so if you can show us how giving you shit will help us out... then we're happy to hook you up... if not, fuck you.... save your lunch money for a week and buy a tee.... its not exactly expensive...

So, what benefits us? Well.... links from your website... pics of you (assuming your attractive) in our tee.... a plug in your school newspaper.... a brief interview with the local radio station.... whatever... something that warrants us giving you something.... and not to be cynical dickheads here... but sending an email saying you'll send pics in our tee and your really hot won't do it.... we've sent away entirely too many tees to folks who never send shit back (little fuckers).... so if you want to do the I'm hot send me shit gig.... you probably should already have a website up and toss us a link as a goodwill gesture or you should give us a CC number first and if you don't send us pics within a reasonable time we're charging your ass for the gear.....

Q. Who is the hot girl/guy in the (insert t-shirt name) picture?

A. Who the fuck knows... people send us shit via email while wearing our tees.... rarely do they include their full name and address noting that we should pass it along to any random cyber-stalker that drops a line asking for it...

Wanna be the guy or girl someone asks about.... check out our Be a Model page here...

Q. Do you guys have a store?

A. Nope, not quite yet.... but once we get through the bankruptcy and reorganization....

In all seriousness, no store as of yet... we have tees in a number of little local stores throught the US (if you want to carry our gear check out the wholesale page) and if everything goes well we might have a place open in Vegas within the next year.... we'll see.... if you'd like to see some of our products locally, talk to you local head shop, skate shop, or other store about getting our gear wholesale.... which goes to the next point....

Q. Can I buy wholesale?

A. I don't know? can you... if you hold a local or state resellers permit drop us a line about buying bOffensive gear wholesale.... or check out our general information wholesale page in the promotion section of the site.... we're pretty damn flexible and would be happy to discuss any arrangement that might be mutually beneficial.

Q. Can I get a discount?

A. Ummmm.... maybe.... why do you want a discount.....

If you're buying one tee and your a cheap bastard... probably not.... if alternatively you want to buy 25 "Midgets Make Me Laugh" for a party you're having with a midget stripper... sure.... we can work something out.... we also have a number of small bands that like to have our gear at shows to hand out/sell and we can offer discounts on that merchandise or discounts on mixed lots of "seconds" that aren't quite up to snuff to sell online but would work great as freebies thrown out at a show or event....

Also, we have a new gig for college kids looking to make a buck or two where we'll sell you a gaggle of bOffensive tshirts for a reduced price and you can pan 'em off on campus for whatever you can get for 'em.... not a bad little moneymaker if you aren't shy about hustling the dorm kids for a few bucks....

Q. Do you guys sell stickers, hats, underwear, etc... ?

A. Not yet... hopefully in the near future.... we've been adding new products and items since we started and have no intention of stopping, it just takes a bit of time to expand our offerings and we want to make sure we can keep up before we add too many new items to the mix....

Q. What is your privacy policy, terms of service, disclaimer, etc...?

A. Check out our homepage here for all those goodies. We think they're all important enough to list there.

Q. Who do we contact for a media statement or interview?

A. Please drop a line to info at boffensive dot com with your contact information, deadline, and any other pertinent information and we'll get back to you within 24 hours.

Q. Why didn't I get an order confirmation?
or Why didn't you respond to my email?

A. Chances are you (we) probably did... but likely your internet service provider or webhost blocked our message as spam. We get a countless number of emails bounced back to us each day (especially from AOL users) for supposedly being spam. We have no idea why your provider doesn't like us, but for some reason they don't.... that said, sorry we couldn't be of more help, but if they wont let us through, I don't know what we can do to communicate..... ( and yes we have applied for AOLs White List as well as anywhere else we've been blocked.... but all in all they have been less than responsive and we've been stuck waiting for permission to speak to our customers....)

Anyway, to avoid the tangent... if you have a personal white list you can add us to, we only ever send email from info at boffensive dot com. Add that address to your list and hopefully you'll get our communications.

Finally, you may also not receive a response if you send something of no worth or little value. If you email us and say, "Get V*/alium hE.re" or send us other worthless nonsense , don't expect a response. If you're asking for a link, or a banner trade, or something else, we'll get back to you, it just may take a while.

Q. Why does my tee look different from the one pictured?

A. Who knows... it could be for a few reasons. In a nutshell, we screen print every tee by hand and as such there is some natural variation. We don't have a huge machine that does 1000 tees at a time so some of the difference just lies in thenatural fact that anything done by hand will vary slightly from what is show in a pic on the site.

Second, our screens wear out. Every now and again, one of the screens wear out, and our we have a new one made. At times, we change up the font, text size, or general alignment of the design and that may get you a tee that looks quite a bit different from the picture. In most instances, we try to update the website or product detail page with the current design, but if we get to it a bit slow or are not on time, you may notice you didn't get quite the same design. If you don't like the new look, just drop an email and we'll be happy to let you return the tee for a refund.

Q. What happened to the custom tees... no more Make Your Own?

A. The Make Your Own line has been discontinued at present. It may be back in the future, but since our order volume has increased, and we have been doing a lot more work on the site to keep up, it is a bit too much for us to do the custom tees right now on a large scale. If you have made it this far in trying to look for one, you can always drop an email and depending on our schedule we may be able to accommodate you.

Question not answered? Drop us a line at info at boffensive.com and we'll get back to you ASAP.