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DRINKING, DEBAUCHERY, STUPID BEHAVIOR, AND MORE...
T-shirts
celebrating drinking, intoxication, and the joy of beating children... |
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I
Beat Anorexia
Oh you silly little cunt. Stop whining and have a slice
of pizza. If it was a fucking disease they'd have it in
Africa. You know what? It isn't. You are a fucked up superficial
little bitch and no one feels bad for you. Eat. It isn't
hard. Insert food in mouth, chew, swallow. Or swing by
the warehouse, I'm sure I can find a grip of guys to give
you a "high calorie" protein smoothie.
Market price: $21.99
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That
Guy
I hate to admit how many time's I've been That Guy. Yeah,
you've seen me, streaking the Crystal Casino in Athens,
Ohio and breaking my wrist in four places when I was drunk
as fuck. Nailing Irish Car Bombs and Goldschlager shots
at a pub in Columbus, then crashing at a buddy's place
only to puke all over his bathroom and living room. Yeah,
I've been That Guy. And in all likelihood, I'll be him
again in the not so distant future. Oh well, that's just
the way I roll....
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You
Can't Drink All Day...
...Unless You Start in the Morning. Damn ain't statements
of fact cool as shit. There really is no way to drink
"All Day" without starting in the morning. Can't start
at 4PM and call it drinking all day. Then you'd be a liar.
And liars suck. And they go to hell. So drink early, drink
proud, buy a t-shirt and support my alcoholism. 100% of
proceeds from this shirt go to Jager shots at BW3s in
North Town Vegas. Thanks for your support.
Market price: $21.99
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Legalize
DUI
Yeah I got one. That's why this shirt is on the site.
I was about 100 feet from my hotel when I got pulled over.
Coming home after a friend's wedding in NorCal. Was I
drunk, ehhh, not really. Was I "buzzed".... probably a
bit. But the fact is this, I didn't hit shit, I wasn't
driving badly (in fact I was driving about 100 times more
cautiously than I usually do) and I was within a stones
throw of where I was going. I could have walked home from
where I got stopped. But because I knocked back around
6 glasses of wine over the course of a 4 hour reception,
coupled with a huge dinner, I was a threat to society
that needed to be incarcerated.
Market price: $21.99
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Instant
Idiot...
...Just Add Beer and Football. That's all it takes folks.
About 12-14 Sierra Nevada's later and with my Buckeyes
playing Tressel-ball I'm sure to be screaming some shit
at the screen. And if my bets aren't having the day they
should be, well then let's just say, get the fuck out
of the way. I'm not some couch jockey who sits all day
through the shit without getting involved, and God Damnit,
i will tell that TV exactly how I feel.
Market price: $21.99
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My
Inner Child is a Mean Little Bastard
Yep he is. A little hellion who is all about kicking the
ass of your faggy, soft, tender inner-child who inhabits
your sad little Baby Boomer world. Seriously, can't all
you Boomers just stop thinkin' shit is all about you and
your needs or the needs of your inner child. No one cares.
And the fact that you have taken over my book store with
your whiny pathetic self-help books indicates that someone
really should give you all a swift kick in the ass and
tell you to get yourself together. Fuck your inner child.
Market price: $21.99
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My
Parents Said I Could Be Anything...
...So I Became an Asshole. Yeah, bet you had a hard time
figuring that one out huh? Maybe. But seriously, it's
fun to have an opinion and make all the little pussy political
correct weenies all uncomfortable. Gee, whatta think people
would have thought if Silence Dogood was a nattering nabob
who never had the balls to speak up about things? So guess
what, I'm an asshole. Deal with it.
Market price: $21.99
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Anti-Social
This shirt was made specifically for the little sister of a good girlfriend of mine. And I figured if I know one Anti-Social little freak, there are probably a grip more of you out there just looking for an easy way to dissuade all the fucks in the world from trying to talk to you. So now you have a super simple little Anti-Social tee that gets across the point without you having to say a word. Just flip off any bastard that gets close.
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Don't Hassle Me I'm Local
Dude, seriously, what's the deal? I don't need you fucking with me because you think you own Vegas. I live here, I bought a house, I'm no fuckin' tourist, so don't cop some bullshit attitude and act like there is some special respect I should be paying you for being Captain Dickhead. I don't care what club you bounce for, or what cocktail waitress or stripper you've fucked, get the hell out of my way and drop the dickface attitude.
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Midgets Make Me Laugh
Another politically incorrect statement but at least it is cool as fuck to be honest and candid with people. I despise that you can't say shit you feel nowadays for fear of offending someone or hurting someones feelings. You know what? Midgets are funny. And watching midgets run, is really funny. So fuck off, they make me laugh. You'd laugh too if you had any personality left and hadn't killed it all off to be socially accepted.
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Nanny Nanny Foo Foo...
...Stick Your Head in Doo Doo, If You Don't, I Don't Care, I'll Pull Down Your Underwear. Yep, that is exactly how fucking mature I am. Ummmm.... I'm not. So don't even act like your frowning disapproval about shit I do in my life will matter to me. I don't go to church. I don't obey left turn arrow red lights. I don't wear my seat belt. I refuse to get permits from the city to build shit inside my own house. I just generally don't fucking follow rules.
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Shut Up Woman...
...The Game is On. And seriously girls, what's the deal? I mean, I love you, I really do. But why the fuck do you insist on talking when I am engrossed in watching a game? I don't come up while you are reading some cornball love novel and start asking you about the garbage, or bills, or anything else, so don't fucking disturb me when my Bucks are about to punch another on in on Michigan. You want to sit down and watch? Great, grab a seat. Better yet get a beer and grab me one too and we can watch this whole thing together. But do not talk unless shit is on a commercial or you hear me screaming at the TV. (Then you can scream the exact same thing or some relatively close derivative thereof.) But that's it.
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